It's Not Fun to be Bored
by SilverMoonlace
Summary: After handing in his resignation form a week ago to the basketball club, Kuroko finds himself terribly bored. So he submits himself to his self-imposed fate: socializing. (In which Kuroko tries out the other clubs in Teikou. After all, who said that Teikou boasts only their basketball club?) (Teikou verse, Kuroko-centric) (Minor companion fic to NSAN)
1. Chapter 1: It's Not Fun to be Bored

One Kuroko Tetsuya was very bored. And a bored Kuroko does not bode well for himself and for the people in his immediate vicinity.

Kuroko groaned as he stretched his arms above his head, heard a small _"pop!"_ noise from his shoulders after rolling them a little, then leaned back a little on the chair he was sitting on. His hand closed the latest book he had completed reading on the table: _Artemis Fowl and the Last Guardian_ by Eoin Colfer. He already read the whole series in less than two weeks, a new personal best for him.

He glanced at the library clock on the wall to his left. _3:37_ , it read, an hour after classes were completed and the remaining time were for the clubs. Kuroko had more than an hour left to kill before he had to go home, now that he didn't have any club to go to. Not anymore.

Kuroko had turned in his resignation letter from Teikou's basketball club a little over a week ago. And for a week, Kuroko had four hours left for his own personal relaxation- and relax he did to try not to think about what had become of his friends. He started reading his pile of books that he really didn't have enough time before, he went to the neat new bookshop that just opened a month ago just a street down from his home, he tended more to his grandmother's small backyard garden, experimented some recipes he found interesting on the net, studied a little for his application to his chosen high schools, and finally had time to practice his playing on the violin. It was all swell until two days ago. After all, he can't just simply go back to the monotony of his life before he found his passion and not miss the thrill of it. He wanted to go out and _do something_. He could play basketball again in the fourth gym when he wanted to like in first year but risk a confrontation with _them_ , something that he is not terribly looking forward to and rather not let happen while he's still in this cursed school, thank you very much.

The teal haired teenager still plays basketball from time to time in the abandoned lot near his home or the near courts, but students from his school go there and might recognize him so he more often than not opted for the lot instead. But it was different from actually playing with someone else rather than by your self, so when he played, it only lasted for half an hour every day before he went home.

He still kept up his own training though. He ran around the neighborhood a good hour every day before school starts or from 4 am to 5 on weekends, practiced shooting a few shots in the public courts, and then try to keep up his speed and agility by sometimes weaving through traffic for a good 10 minutes before someone would notice him. It was an event that only happened once, but it was still one time too many.

Yes, Kuroko Tetsuya, prodigy violinist and genius extraordinaire, was utterly bored.

He looked at the clock again. _3:41_. It was still too early to go home with his parents and grandmother going to Grandma Natsuko's regular check-ups in the next town. His grandmother's doctor was stationed at the local hospital and he was sure that he didn't move suddenly to another one. It doesn't take a genius (which Kuroko is one, mind you) to guess their intentions.

His mother, the beautiful Kuroko Hana, was not surprised when he told her of his quitting the club that he had loved for almost three years. _Almost_. Hana didn't ask questions but instead gave him a hug, a pat on his head, and asked him to play one of his latest compositions while she cooked his favorite dish. He obliged while his mother worked. Kuroko knew that his mother saw all the signs before him just by listening to his stories (which became almost non-existent to actually nada in a single month), from the neighbors' loose mouths, from the occasional passing student, and observing Kuroko himself. His mother was intelligent like that.

When Kuroko Masato came home, he was not surprised like his wife. Evidently, they discussed this with his grandmother who made a fuss about, "finally having young Tet-chan take up music again and take the world by storm like his darling great-grandparents with his brilliance". Apparently, the two were quite famous in the music industry just like he was, but his was focused on classical and his accomplishments do not make international headlines like his idol-composer great-grandparents. Grandmother Natsuko muttered something akin to "where is that bloody Saotome's phone number when you need it?" when she retired to her room after dinner.

Kuroko sighed. He really did not want to reminisce about the past. _What is done, is done_ , he thought with finality.

He sighed again as he put his book back in his neatly organized bag. High school pamphlets and his own researches filled half of it. He examined them and did not fail to notice that they were either special curriculum private schools ("High tuition fees. Probably worth less than they preach," he muttered under his breath), science high schools ( _They're quite good but why do they simply have to be so far away?_ He thought idly), the occasional sport oriented ones (Kuroko did not even so much as glanced at them. He knew by heart that they had basketball which was the reason why he considered them in the first place.), and one from a supposedly elite music school far back in Sendai from his grandmother. Why she was so adamant he go there was lost to him though.

He thought about his current school. Teikou. He originally did not come here for basketball, it was just a bonus. He was an ALS scholar, and the best one at that. He was here for his brains and his innate musical talent, both heavily contrasting his sudden involvement to the cursed sport that brought him friends but also brought them apart, he thought bitterly.

(Kuroko would wonder later on why he was bitter. Truth to be told, he was happy that his friends had gotten strong, not the other way around. While he was constantly annoyed by them, he truly wished the best for his friends. "Maybe I'm simply annoyed by how such a small thing as fame and power got them smack in the head and started acting differently just because they were good in a certain field? Perhaps, but I still wonder why they've became so arrogant when they're complete idiots in other basic things like chemistry and cooking," he mused.)

Kuroko stood up from his chair suddenly, as he was struck with an idea. The metal legs made an odd screeching sound in the almost empty room, prompting the stern librarian to give him a stern look. Kuroko quickly apologized as he wondered idly why the woman never fails to notice him when others all but forget about him. He honestly did not want to know.

"Sorry Kisaragi-sensei," Kuroko bowed a little in apology.

Kisaragi-sensei gave him another look then nodded.

"Going home, Kuroko-kun?" she asked curiously. Kuroko was always at the library until 3. She was also a family friend, mainly his grandmother's, and she knew where his family is now.

"No sensei. Not yet. Okaa-san told me that they won't be home for at least two hours more," Kuroko answered politely. While she was sometimes around his house and chatting with Natsuko and occasionally Hana, he never truly knew her as more than his sensei. That and the fact that she was at least twice his age.

Kisaragi-sensei nodded once more. "If they get back only after 6, just call me here in the library so you can wait at home where they could pick you up," she said with a smile.

Kuroko also smiled a bit, "Arigato sensei, but I don't think that Okaa-san won't let that happen. She's very adamant about," Kuroko scrunched up his face a little, "me socializing a little."

Kisaragi-sensei raised an eyebrow but thankfully did not comment. "Well if you need me, you know where to find me. Good luck on your... socializing."

"Yes, sensei. Thank you. " ' _Because I need that._ '

Kuroko bowed once more then left the library. He sucked in a breath and steeled himself to his self-imposed fate of having to _socialize_.

After all, who said that Teikou boasts only their basketball club to Japan?

* * *

Author's Note:  
(A big thanks to knb143 for giving me the motivation to post this. Thanks, dude.)

This may or may not be a three-shot. I'll update the next chapter next Sunday. As for my other stories, I'll have them updated in summer. Thank you for those who continued to read my stories despite my nearly two-year hiatus. Seriously, you guys are awesome ;).


	2. Chapter 2: Rainbows and Models

Kuroko smelled it first before he even saw it.

Granted, the students running the opposite way with noses and mouths covered by handkerchiefs was a dead giveaway. There might be a fire going on, what with another student rushing to the scene with a fire hydrant, but that was beside the point.

A few meters in front of him was _rainbow colored smoke_.

A student stumbled near him and Kuroko tried to balance the freshman. The kid nearly had a heart attack from the sudden contact but thanked Kuroko profusely.

"What's going on?" Kuroko asked.

The freshman looked back to the now pinkish smoke. "Acids mixing with the wrong acids. The chemistry club accidentally put the wrong hair samples together with chloride solutions among others. We didn't think that it would make such a," and here the student paused to find the right word to describe the catastrophe behind him, "… _colourful_ reaction," he finished lamely.

Kuroko felt his eyebrow twitch minutely. "That was bad," he said frankly.

The kid shrugged, "I learned from the worst. My brother isn't exactly the best puns role model."

Kuroko shook his head. "Never mind that. What did you mean by _'hair samples'_?" Kuroko had a sneaking suspicion about what hair samples meant. After all, coloured fire is swell and all, but _smoke_? _Rainbow coloured smoke_? Now something's fishy about it.

The freshman laughed nervously, "We might have stolen some hair strands from students with just as colourful, um… personalities?" The kid tried to look innocent but utterly failed.

Kuroko knew that the only group of people with abnormal hair colours was the Kiseki no Sedai. Kuroko looked back at the smoke to find it green – in the exact shade of Midorima's hair. Suffice to say, he was impressed.

But then the fire turned _red_.

Sure, red was not a rare hair colour, but they were in _Japan_ for milkshake's sake. Asians don't just get red hair without European blood. (Neither do they usually get baby blue hair, European or not, but that was beside the point). Either way, there was only one person in the school that has that shade of blood red hair.

 _Akashi freaking Seijuro_.

The chemistry club stole hair from the self-proclaimed emperor of the basketball club and school. Kuroko did not know whether he should be in awe or to fear for their lives.

The freshman saw the dawning realization on his senpai's face. "Cool, right?" he grinned.

Kuroko was speechless. Speechless in the way that he literally can't say anything in fear for his sanity. His brain and voice box abandoned him, it seemed.

The smoke turned baby blue.

Kuroko felt his eyebrow twitch again. ' _How did they…?_ '

The freshman looked back at the smoke and saw what the senior was staring at. "Oh," he said flatly then laughed nervously again. "Do you want to sign up for the chemistry club?"

The senior sighed. "You know what? I don't want to know."

Then Kuroko hightailed out of there. He _did not want_ to be at the crime scene when Akashi shows up and demand answers.

* * *

Kuroko walked for a long time when he finally reached another club room. He read the poster next to the door. "Robotics Club," it said. Kuroko shrugged; how bad can it be? He doubted that another club could be as stalkerish as the chemistry club. He entered the room.

* * *

Kuroko regretted everything that he previously thought. It was _worse_.

It was not bad in the way that the members suck at robotics, no, it was the exact opposite. They were _brilliant_. Kuroko wasn't surprised that they had won multiple national robotics contests over the years.

But that did not mean that they had an acute awareness of their less than stellar people skills.

"Ah, you're Kuroko Tetsuya-senpai? You're the one kicked out of the basketball club, yes? Are you here to be spared the humiliation of having to be clubless in an institution full of them?" the bespectacled girl asked.

Kuroko barely stopped the urge to walk out of the room. ' _How rude_ ,' he thought.

"Yes, I am Kuroko Tetsuya" ' _I haven't even introduced myself; how did you know?_ ' "No, I was not kicked out of the team; I resigned from it. Yes, I want to be a member of a club. No, I do not feel any humiliation at being… ' _clubless_ '" Kuroko barely managed to keep his eyebrow twitching for the third time. Also, how did she even know that he was from the basketball team? Much less important enough that she took note of his being "ousted" from the club? It wasn't a secret, per se, but he was not exactly famous in the school since he didn't socialize much with those outside the ALS curriculum. So, how? Kuroko mentally shook his head. There are some things better left unexplained.

The girl's eyes suddenly lit up. "How did you do that?"

Kuroko raised an eyebrow. "Do what?"

"That!" the girl gushed, "The barely-showing-any-form-of-self-expression thing. How did you do that?!"

Kuroko did not know what to say. "… Why do you ask?"

"Oh, we want to make this robot, see, that also shows human facial expression. We can't make it suddenly be able to make a full blown smile or smile because that would ruin the process; we have to take 'baby steps'," the junior made air quotations on this. "Normally, we wouldn't care one whit about 'baby steps'" again with the air quotations, "but we do like challenges so we accepted it. Now, would you be as kind and be our model?" the junior smiled hopefully at him.

Kuroko's brain abandoned him yet again. First honor ALS student he might be, but he simply could not process what the girl gushed out. "Um, what?" he said eloquently.

The girl rolled her eyes while crossing her arms. "Would. You. Be. Our. Model?" she said, stressing every word like they were individual sentences – or like she was speaking to a toddler.

An almost twitch yet again. ' _Rude. Very rude_ ,' he thought once more. "No," he answered flatly.

"Oh, come on! Don't be a spoilsport," the girl whined, "It would be fun!"

"I don't know about that," Kuroko answered in a strained voice. He could literally see the girl with her cronies – ' _fellow club members_ ,' Kuroko's conscience corrected. It was not nice to be rude, even if it was true and not spoken out loud – invading his personal space every day for the rest of the school and making him do unspeakable things like making _constant facial expressions_. No, not happening.

"No," Kuroko repeated.

"How rude," tsked the girl while narrowing her eyes.

'At least the freshman from earlier wasn't as pushy,' Kuroko thought, nearly reaching the end of his patience. That was when he thought of something absolutely brilliant. He had to stop himself from smiling, thus giving himself away.

"You know," Kuroko said slowly to the junior, "I do know some people who are excellent in making minute facial expressions."

The girl immediately perked up. "Really?! Who?"

Kuroko sighed faux dreamily, "The Kiseki no Sedai of course! They're my heroes in minute self-expression. You should see them on the job; they're really really good at it!" He was laying it on thick, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be as far away as possible from this place.

"Really?!" she said excitedly.

"Really really." Kuroko forced a small grin on his face. He wanted to puke.

She giggled in anticipation, "Do you know where they are right now?"

"Well, I can't be so sure," Kuroko drawled out, "But you might find them in the first string gym."

"I must tell kurabu kaichō!" she exclaimed. She very nearly bolted when she turned to Kuroko at the last minute. "Do you have any advice for us?"

"Hmm," Kuroko pretended to think, "Ah! When you… _interview_ them, it's best to do it when they're all together. And bring lots of cameras for future reference. They're _highly photogenic_ and they would love another 'interview' if you also place your self within their personal spaces."

The junior squealed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Kuroko smiled genuinely this time. "It's no problem. But if you please not mention my name to them? I'm a bit shy." Kuroko wanted to gag at his last sentence.

"I see," she grinned, "Oh, but do you still want to be a member? I'm afraid the slots are full but I might be able to ask kaichō to make an exception –"

Kuroko chuckled nervously, "No, that's alright. I don't want to make you go any trouble. I might lend a hand when you might need it." ' _I would want to think that that would be never_.'

"Is that so?" she actually looked dejected but immediately brightened up again. "I must thank you then, on behalf of my club. Do you want anything in return for your help? Food and refreshment perhaps?"

Kuroko grinned. "Oh, there is something…"

Five minutes later, Kuroko was sipping on a large vanilla milkshake and a pocket full of the drink's coupons from a convenience store nearby.

' _I might get used to this_ ,' Kuroko hummed happily.

* * *

"I beg your pardon? An _interview_?" cue camera flash.

Akashi barely managed to keep up his polite persona in the company of the girl and her fellow robotics club members. She nodded vigorously while inching very close to the basketball club president. Akashi kept his composure as he gave a strained smile. He could not say the same for his star players though.

("Please get away from me," Aomine nearly begged the freshman desperately trying to get close to him. Momoi berated him for being rude even as she tried to stop her giggles. Another student caught picture after picture of him. "Would you cut that out?!"

Kise was soaking the attention at first but started to get antsy from the constant press of bodies to him. "Ah ha ha… could you please, um, move a little ways away from me?"

Murasakibara's death glare did not manage to make the juniors get away from him and his snacks, much to his displeasure. They also did not stop picturing him.

Two freshmen looked apprehensive near Midorima. Said bespectacled senior raised an eyebrow. "I'm allergic to human touch as well as cameras, but Kise would highly appreciate the contact."

"Midorimacchi!")

"Hai! Oh, well no. We _need_ your first string players to model for our club," she said excitedly.

"Model?!" Aomine exclaimed in horror from where Momoi and he were arguing about his manners while Midorima nearly spat out the water he was drinking.

"You want us to model?!" Kise asked brightly.

The girl scrutinized the blonde. "No, not you. You're not cut out for it."

Kise's mouth dropped open while the others were just as surprised. "I'm not?" he asked blankly, too shocked to make any inflection to his words.

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p' while trying to get closer to Akashi, who was inching away very slowly. "You show too many facial expressions."

Akashi raised an eyebrow, "Pray tell then, what are your qualifications in choosing your… _models_?"

The junior giggled, "Well, that's very easy! We need you to make very little facial expressions!"

"What?" Akashi asked blankly, admittedly dumbfounded. The girl caught another photo.

She nodded again, "A very helpful source told us about your way of minute self-expression that is very inspirational for him. So do you want to model or not?"

Midorima hid a smile as he watched the others get increasingly uncomfortable with the continued contact of the robotics members. ' _That Kuroko…_ '


	3. Chapter 3: Meatballs are Deadly

"Don't move too much, honey, or it'll hurt worse," the school nurse admonished.

Kuroko could only moan in reply. His stomach hurt too much to form coherent words, which was probably his fault.

And that is how he found himself clutching his stomach in the clinic after taste-testing an experimental food sample from the cooking club. They didn't tell him that it would react badly with the vanilla milkshake that he drank only moments before that.

Through the hazy feeling of being trampled over by rabid hyenas, Kuroko wondered if he should also let his head be checked by the school nurse. After all, why would he subject himself to this torture willingly because of such a feeble excuse as _boredom_?

Oh right, because he wanted to be spared the humiliation of having to be clubless in an institution full of them, so to speak.

The nurse clicked her tongue at him. "That's a really bad case of stomach pain, honey. The medicine I gave you should have already kicked in by now, and I gave you twice the preferred amount of dosage. Did you drink acid or something?"

' _With this amount of pain, it might as well be_ ,' Kuroko thought rather put-out.

The nurse (now that Kuroko thought about it, he never did know her name) hummed. "Well honey, you just need to lie in bed for some more minutes and you'll be good to go. Just call me if you need anything," the matronly woman smiled then walked away to her desk at the front.

Kuroko sighed, ' _How did I get into this mess again? Ah, right, the cooking club_ '

* * *

Kuroko sipped his vanilla milkshake clean then threw the empty cup into a nearby trash can. He smiled in contentment. ' _I really could get used to this_ '

"Come one, come all and taste the start of the umami revolution!"

Kuroko stared at the senior wearing an apron while presenting a table full of trays of what he surmised was food. Next to him was easel with a complementary advertisement for the cooking club upon it. It read:

 _"The Teiko Middle School Cooking Club humbly presents_

 ** _the Umami Revolution_**

 _where our talented culinary students_

 _revolutionized today's substandard food of all kinds_

 _into something more worthy for the taste buds_

 _of our generation._

 _So come and join the beginning_

 _of the new era of_ _FOOD_ _!"_

Underneath were two more paragraphs written in such small fine print that Kuroko did not bother reading them.

"You!" the (possibly crazed) senior exclaimed upon catching Kuroko's eye. "You surely must taste the products of the cooking club's genius!"

As if by magic, he teleported by Kuroko's side then dragged him to the table. Kuroko eyed the so-called food while the senior handed him a clipboard survey and the club's business card.

' _Genius is debatable,_ ' he thought while staring at the neatly lined lumps of _somethings._ Some look like meatballs, albeit misshapen. Others were in cute octopus shapes like what he sometimes see in Momoi-san's bentos (assuming, of course, that it was her mother that prepared it and not her. He wouldn't even wish upon his worst enemy to be force-fed her _cooking_. He was not that cruel.). He took a whiff of the admittedly delicious smell that they were emitting. He then looked at the hopeful senior by his side who was practically giving him puppy dog eyes.

 _'Huh,'_ Kuroko thought nonplussed, _'I might as well.'_ He rated the samples by appearance then signed at the _name and signature_ part at the bottom. Afterwards, he reached for a "meatball". _'Well here goes nothing.'_

Kuroko took one of the "meatballs" then popped it into his mouth. Then, he chewed slowly, all the while marveling at the savory taste of the food. It might have shown on his face, seeing as the student grinned at him. He swallowed.

"How was it?" he asked eagerly, almost bouncing on his feet.

"It's actually good," Kuroko said a bit surprised seeing as no other students have come near to try them. He gave the _taste_ portion of the survey a 4 then said as much to the senior.

"Oh that?" he shrugged, "Well it might have something to do with the case of food poisoning this morning, but details," he said, waving his hand as if the matter was something inconsequential.

" _What?!_ " Kuroko exclaimed, almost choking on his second helping of _poison_ , which he was forced to swallow in his surprise.

The senior shrugged again, "Hey, it's only a one-time thing. All the others only experienced mild discomfort to full-blown diarrhea. We have a disclaimer by the way," he said then pointed to the ad Kuroko read earlier.

"I don't see any — oh"

And that was when Kuroko remembered the fine print. He zeroed in the words on the ad and read.

" _We remind everyone that all that have consumed our samples have done so at their own risk and with the knowledge that they have been created without professional supervision. With that in mind:_

 _DISCLAIMER: Any and all possible unfortunate outcomes caused directly and/or indirectly by our products will not be the responsibility of the club and school management. None of the staff and students of this establishment will fund any and all possible medical procedure that might be warranted due to consumption of a product of unknown origins. Thank you! "_

As you can surmise, Kuroko was not feeling comforted by the disclaimer. On another hand, he had to applaud their sneakiness, despite the possibility of him being Food-Poisoning Victim no. 2. Knowing his luck, he might be another case altogether.

 _'Well,'_ Kuroko thought a bit crazed as well, ' _I should go to the nurse's office while I still can.'_ He quickly scribbled a comment in the _comments_ section then promptly put the clipboard on the table then dashed away from the surprised senior.

"If you can find some willing testers, bring them here alright?!" he hollered after Kuroko, not really sure if he was heard. Hot damn, that kid was _fast_.

The senior grinned, not even bothered in the slightest that he might as well poisoned a fellow student. ' _At least the kid might go the nurse while he still can. Either way, he reacted better than the others._ ' He whistled a tune while starting to get ready for his next victim - ah - _taste tester_. He smoothed down his apron when he remembered the kid's survey form. He reached for the abandoned clipboard on the table then read the _comments_ section in curiosity.

 _"The samples were delicious, but I think you guys went overboard on the spices. By the way, please do tell your cook that you simply do not add soymilk and vinegar unless you really do want to induce food poisoning in your testers. Otherwise, good job [_ _in creating bite-sized pain] *****_ _."_

The last five words were crossed out but still very much readable. He wondered whether the kid was sincere or sarcastic, given the last statement. In the end, he decided that it didn't matter. What did, though, was hunting another tester. He grinned.

"Come one, come all!"

* * *

In hindsight, Kuroko really should have read the disclaimer before signing the survey. For all he knew, he could have ended up promising his first born son to a syndicate dedicated to bringing pain to unsuspecting individuals under the guise of a school organization. But really, what were they thinking?!

 _'At least I got here in time.'_ He thought, eying the nurse who smiled at him.

All things considered, he was lucky that he only ended up with a stomach ache, and that was only because the "meatballs" (he adamantly tried not to think about what he ate, especially now that he managed to identify two of the ingredients. He shuddered to think about what else they might have put in them) reacted badly with the milk in his drink. One rule of chemistry: acid + acid = _ouch._

The only good thing he can think was that he didn't die. Kuroko imagined his [almost] death certificate.

 ** _Name:_** Kuroko Tetsuya

 ** _Date of birth:_** January 31, 20-

 ** _Date of death:_** July 2, 20-

 ** _Cause of death:_** Irreversible brain and stomach damage due to ingestion of unknown substances

The image of his could-have-been tombstone invaded his mind.

 _Kuroko Tetsuya_

 _Loving son and friend_

 _May no more meatball harass you_

Kuroko snorted. Nope and yada. He'd rather not experience death by meatball, especially if said meatball contained vinegar and soymilk. No, just no.

"Kuroko-kun?"

Kuroko jumped a bit, startled out of his musings. He saw the nurse (he really need to know her name) smiled kindly at him.

"Kuroko-kun, you may go now. Just rest a bit at home and don't eat anything that you doubt the edibility of, even if only a bit. Follow that and you'd be fine," the nurse said.

Kuroko smiled at her and stood up from the bed. He bowed, "Thank you for watching over me, sensei."

"It's alright, Kuroko-kun. That's what I'm paid for anyway," she winked at him, "You're all clear now, honey, so shoo," she said in faux sternness complete with her hands on her hips.

Kuroko only grinned in reply. He was almost out the room when the nurse called after him.

"Oh, and Kuroko-kun?" She called, back facing him as she arranged the medicine cabinet, "My name is Miyano Akemi by the way, though I'd prefer Akemi-sensei."

Kuroko only stared at her slack-jawed before shaking his head in amusement. "I'll try to remember that, Akemi-sensei."

She sniffed as if offended but Kuroko could see her amused as well. "You'd better."

* * *

Kuroko stepped outside the office then closed the door. ' _Where to now?'_ he wondered. He was about to decide to wander aimlessly when he remembered the senior's "parting words".

 _'If you can find some willing testers, bring them here alright?!'_

Kuroko grinned as he whipped out his cell phone and the cooking club's business card then texted their president. He was going to have _so much_ fun. After all, turnabout is fair play.

The basketball club wouldn't know what would hit them.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile in the first string gym...**_

"ARGH! Would you get away from me?!" Aomine screamed in desperation. Unfortunately, the freshman that kept on annoying him was persistent.

"Aomine-senpai, you're expressing too much!"

"I don't care if I 'express too much', just leave me alone!"

"Akashicchi, help me!" Kise half-sobbed as he tried to run away from the lower years that kept on chasing him.

Akashi pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to explain to the robotics club's representative that no, they would not model, no, we do not know what you are talking about and could you please keep your clubmates from harassing my team? Thank you.

The girl only stared at him as if there was something wrong with him and not the other way around. Akashi felt his eyebrow twitch. Either she was too thick to understand the danger she was in or she really do think that she was the sane one in their conversation. Probably both.

"Akashi-sempai," the bespectacled girl said in slow measured tones as if talking to a particularly slow child, "someone recommended you and your team for this project because he sees you as the ultimate pinnacle of minute self-expression."

Akashi really wanted to kill someone, preferably the girl. "Oh? Pray tell then, who is this 'he' that _recommended_ us?" he said through gritted teeth and stressing "recommended" as if it was a _very_ dirty word. Seeing that that so-called "recommendation" landed him in that surreal situation, Akashi felt that it was appropriate.

The junior only sighed, as if Akashi's concerns were too _basic_ , "He asked his name not to be divulged, senpai. He asked so we shall follow, though he did say that he is acquainted with you and your lot."

Akashi furrowed his brows, choosing to ignore how he referred to his nationally-acclaimed team, "I do not believe that I know someone who would—"

"Special delivery for the first string basketball club!"

All the students in the gym paused in their activities to stare at the two newcomers. They were both wearing aprons and carrying bags with them.

Momoi blinked in surprise, "Fuuka-chan?"

"Oi Satsuki, you know them?" Aomine demanded, sticking his thumb to point at their general direction.

"Mou Dai-chan, don't be rude," Momoi pouted, "But yes I do know them. They're both from the cooking club."

"Fuuka" smiled shyly. "Good afternoon. My name is Yamagishi Fuuka from class 2-E."

"And I'm Suemitsu Nozomi, senior. Nice to meet you!" the other said boisterously, "Anyway, the cooking club would like to give out free samples of our products in support of the basketball club," he said handing over his bag to the nearest student, which turned out to be Kise.

"Eh?! This is all free?!" He asked.

"Yes," Fuuka grinned, also handing over her bag, "Those bags have enough samples for at least 50 people. They also have survey forms in them so please do fill them out."

Akashi chose that moment to cut in, "But we did not order any products, Yamagishi-san," he said, ignoring the senior. Nozomi answered anyway.

"Like I said, it's for support and all. Besides, it's free food. Who'd want to turn that offer down?"

"Annoying senior is right, Akachin. Free is free," Murasakibara drawled, choosing that moment to pluck a bag from Kise, "We shouldn't let them go to waste."

"Heh, the giant's right, Akashi. Free is free," Aomine said, forcefully making his way to the gathered Miracles.

Akashi just sighed once more, determined to just get the day done, "Do what you want."

"Yay! Free food!"

Midorima eyed the two cooking club members as they moved to get out of the room. They were talking in low tones and Midorima positioned himself closer to them.

"...are you sure about this, Suemitsu-senpai?," Yamagishi asked uncertainly.

Suemitsu just grinned. "'Course I am. Besides, I can't let the kid down now, can I? By the way, have you already talked to the carrot head?"

Midorima cleared his throat, insulted. "The 'carrot head' can hear you Suemitsu-san."

To Suemitsu's credit, he didn't even looked surprised as he turned to face Midorima. "Well it saves me the trouble then," the senior had a slightly crazed grin on his face while he moved to present Midorima his phone, "Here, read this."

" _Good afternoon Suemitsu-san, this is Kuroko Tetsuya, the student you attempted to poison earlier. To my unfortunate luck (and to your happiness, I assume), I almost was."_

"Wait- what?!" Midorima said in shock. _Poisoned?!_

"Oh that," Suemitsu said while inspecting his nails, "Heard that his a-ok from the grapevine. Smart kid, running to that nurse while he still can, but details, details. Now, carry on."

Midorima looked at the senior strangely while slightly concerned for his ex-teammate. From Yamagishi's expression, though, he could trust that Kuroko was alright. He cleared his throat and continued reading.

" _But I digress. As per luck, I would say that I found you some 'testers', although whether they would be willing or not would depend on how you would present yourself to them. I assume that you would have at least heard of the so-called 'Generation of Miracles'?"_ Midorima could see where this was going, he really could, but his brain was still, unfortunately lagging to process the 'poison' part so he could only read instead. " _Who am I kidding? Of course you would have."_ Midorima could practically see the sarcasm dripping from the words. He breathed in deeply. He always knew that Kuroko was hurt by what had happened, though he chose not to show it. " _It is your choice to whether or not include the other first string members in the collateral damage, but I would request that you keep Midorima Shintaro-kun from it. If you do not know his appearance, he looks like a carrot head, no insult intended."_ Midorima felt an eyebrow twitch, but he continued.

" _Offer to spare him diarrhea in exchange for thorough documentation of everything that would happen, in video preferably. I wish you all the luck_ , Kuroko Tetsuya, meatball survivor."

"Meatball survivor...?" Midorima asked blankly, mind still reeling from "diarrhea".

"Heh, the kid has a weird sense of humor," Suemitsu snorted, "So anyway that's the deal. I get victims, you'd be diarrhea clean, and the kid gets blackmail. You in?"

"... but couldn't the others sue you for that?" Midorima asked weakly.

Suemitsu's answering smirk was positively smug. "Oh that little thing?" he chuckled, "We've got a disclaimer, signed by the school administration and the local government. If they didn't read it first before eating the samples, that would be their fault, no?"

Midorima smiled, unable to keep it in, "I'm in."

And that was when the screams of pure agony started.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 ***** doesn't have a strikethrough option, pity.

Borrowed characters:

Miyano Akemi - Detective Conan

Yamagishi Fuuka - Persona 3

Suemitsu Nozomi - Persona 3

Note: I only borrowed their names and some attributes. I'm 100% sure that they are OOC as far as their original universes are concerned.

By the way: ALS - Alternative Learning System. Real but not in the way that I have used in this fic. It's a minor plot point, don't worry.

Chemistry Club kid - was supposed to be Izuki Shun's younger sister, but I somehow couldn't fit Mai in because I always imagined her as sweet and shy so I created an OC instead. Not really important, just something to note.

I like Midorima and I don't want him in Kuroko's "revenge" so to speak. I always thought that if he had a backbone, he'd stand for Kuroko in their Teikou-verse. But, well, this _is_ AU so.

Anyway. Huh. It took me a positively long time to update, please excuse me for that. I don't really have a reason except somehow forgetting that I have fics to take care of, but enough of that. Thank you to all those that have reviewed, followed and favorited :) And to those that want to know, this might take 2-3 more chapters, conclusion included. I have taken Ms./Mr. CherepMikhailov's suggestion of the Lit Club and the Cheerleading Club (heh, that would be fun. Thanks by the way ;)) though I am confused on what he/she meant by a "Lasta Club". I tried googling it but, well. Anyway, if you have club suggestions or if you just want to share your thoughts in general, please do review or PM me, though I prefer the latter. That way, I'd be reminded about this WIP, though it's your choice. Again, thank you!


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